i am a fortuitous man
i contribute nothing, i amount to nothing
i sit alone in my room and i begin to think
of every possibility i can until opportunity strikes
stop the fucking presses, i'm here to blow your minds
i had the best thought of all time
imagine confections of the chewy sort
but imagine them with a kick
cinnamony and sweetly kick
capsaicin punching in your dick
that'd be fucking sick
i dump my savings: a whopping 40 bucks
into 5 lbs of sugar and some flavoring (what the fuck)
i will invent the sweetest treat, a delicacy but one with heat
surely no one has had this idea before
i shall call them "helly beans"
in every office that i show my face, they laugh right in it
they cannot see my vision
(or appreciate genius)
when it's in their grasp
damn fat cats, they don't know their loss
and they keep acting like i don't know what a tamale is
though i'm mexican
and they seem to think they only come in spicy varieties
headed home, i stop in the store
the cashier seems bored so i tell him
"don't worry, for i have a fantastic idea"
he takes me to aisle 26
how dare they steal my thunder 74 years in the past
looks like i might as well just call my boss and beg for my job back
he picks up and
he also tells me to fuck myself, as i streaked through the office
with "this place sucks" painted on my body as i quit
i might as well accept defeat
on amazon i order 50 lbs of hot tamales
the taste is so pristine, my will to live continues
i may serve no purpose
but these enticing capsules of cinnamon bring me joy
i exist to piss off god
i empty the boxes into my bathtub
i dive in and i sit
i become the hot tamale
when you find me in the morning
i will be one long red tube
flavored with cinnamon
