Keith
There's a man at the Malvern TAB
Shaved head, tatted up, bout six foot three
He was our neighbour when we lived on Hotham Street
And though we never got his name, we called him Keith
Keith had a white Volkswagen Amarok that he parked out front his house
With a steel two-wheeler trailer that he liked to tow around
One day a mate was coming round and parked out on the street
And little did we know we had just started World War Three
Little did we know we had just started World War Three
The bloke was seething
He was enraged
Knocked on our door
Like a dog in a cage
We opened up
His face was red
Took off his speedies and he said
Don't fuck with my trailer cunt
Don't park in my spot
It's the second time this week
And I'm about to lose the plot
I phoned up the council
And the bloke said it was mine
Move your shitheap of a car
To the other fucking side
Keith!
It was a Sunday afternoon in early Spring
The family across the road had a gathering
A pregnant woman pulled up in a CRV
Spotted a park and said well that's for me
Well wouldn't you know, that very moment around the corner came Keith
He pulled his ute up next to her and then he said quite cordially
Well g'day love, that's my house, so you'll have to park elsewhere
She said surely you could just as easily park it over there
Surely you could just as easily park it over there
And from our porch
We watched the scene
As something snapped
The man turned green
He pointed his finger
And he said it clear
Opened up his lungs for the world to hear
Don't fuck with my trailer cunt
Don't park in my spot
It's the second time this week
And I'm about to lose the plot
I phoned up the council
And the bloke said it was mine
Move your shitheap of a car
To the other fucking side
Keith!
It was a Tuesday afternoon we last saw Keith
The A Current Affair crew came rolling down the street
He heard a knock and opened up his door
Shocked and perplexed
Tracey Grimshaw?
She held the mic right up to his face
Called him out for everything and said you're a disgrace
But Keith wasn't listening, his eyes were locked deadpan
Staring at the camera crew and where they parked the van
He said
Don't fuck with my trailer cunt
Don't park in my spot
(Keith, no)
It's the second time this week
And I'm about to lose the plot
(Don't do it!)
I phoned up the council
And the bloke said it was mine
Move your shitheap of a car
To the other fucking side
(Keith no!)
Keith!
Keith!
